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pretending to be nice is exhausting

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lordwhat:

Reign it in, dude.

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(via slyfishcake)

toyota:

person: are you a top or a bottom?

me: I am a Scorpio

(via meanplastic)

imagineyouricon:

However many followers you have is how many kids you have with your icon.

(via meanplastic)

Confidence goals: Kanye West 

Attitude goals: Rihanna

Money goals: Beyonce

(Source: xoxwanderlustxox, via zackisontumblr)

tastefullyoffensive:

When you accidentally step on your pet’s tail.

(Source: captaintinyass)

misha-bawlins:

This drink I like it. Another!

I love how quickly he readjusts to the culture so foreign to him. Like, he does not even protest or try to explain this is how it’s done in Asgard so it’s how it SHOULD be done because he’s a mighty god and stuff. He’s just like “but I… oh I see smashing mugs is not a custom here. I’m sorry I won’t do it again :( “

(Source: maxmff, via safetysoff)

virguin:

If you were my homework I’d do you.

(Source: supnikita, via humorking)

(via foodhumor)

thelocaltelevision:

How I Met Your Mother, 2005-…

(via myheroisawolf)

sloth-grunge:

becoming self aware of your breathing and blinking is the worst thing

(via laughtime)

5ky1er:

Mom: What do you want for your birthday?

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(Source: shitwine, via the-absolute-best-posts)

stunningpicture:

My dog loves to play with the leaf blower

(x)

(Source: pandabakers, via safetysoff)

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